I love Hemingway, but you have to admit that this is true:
Have you ever read Hemingway? If not, I will now perform my civic duty in explaining to you how his novels shake out so you don’t have to go through the trouble of reading them.
SETTING: Somewhere foreign. Italy, Spain, etc.
PLOT: There should be a war going on, or maybe the war just ended. Maybe the war has not started yet, but something is COMING. Preferably, the main character was injured in the war, falls in love with the nurse that, well, nurses him, and everybody drinks A LOT. The main male character hunts, fishes, and drinks. The main female character is a slut who sleeps with everyone except the main character, and is a real BITCH. Sometimes she is only a bitch part of the time.
Here is some example dialogue:
MAN: I love you, and you are a slut. Let me drink this wine, absinthe, beer, port, sherry, and smoke cigars and not care that you do not return my love; after all, I am a MAN and we don’t let emotions get in the way.
WOMAN: I know you love me, and I guess I kinda love you, too, but we can’t be together because I love you too much to stop sleeping with all of these other guys over here. I DO IT FOR YOU!
Things happen throughout the story, but mostly people just get drunk and fight with each other, and then go fishing and stuff.
Now, I will give you a typical ending:
MAN: I am going to drink this beer right here. I wonder if they have hard-boiled eggs around here?
WOMAN: Aren’t you glad that I am such a slut?
MAN: I suppose I am. You know, it does not bother me at all that I love you and can never be with you in any meaningful way… I say, is this not a fine bar?
Sometimes the woman dies, but it’s OK. After all, dudes don’t cry.
Oh, and sometimes Jews and Blacks are BAD