Sister

I never wanted to be an only child. I really didn’t. I always craved a sibling growing up; I would imagine how cool it would be to have a little sister. I wouldn’t have minded a brother, but I would rather a sister. With a sister, you could confide, with a brother I only saw someone who would want to compete. I was never about that. I wanted to sit and talk about books and feelings. Don’t get me wrong, I was very competitive with my friends when it came to sports and pretty much anything else, but I always enjoyed hanging out with girls.

So now we are in present day, and most of my closest friends are women. Most of my interactions on-line are with women, save for a few pretty awesome dudes (you know who you are.) I tend to shy away from men who are too “macho.”  I consider my wife my best friend, and I know that everyone says that but I actually mean it. I think that, deep down I am still looking for my little sister, or older sister as the case may be.

I am not close with anyone at all in my family. I was only close with one person, my mother. We could fight and ignore each other for over a year (which we did, more than once) but at the end of the day we could pick up right where we left off. When she died, circumstances brought on by outside influences rendered my relationship with my step-father dead in the water. My biological father has schizophrenia, and we talk, but we are not close in the familial sense. He is too busy living in his world which doesn’t really include too many “real” people, but that’s a different story for a different day. If I just had a sister, I would have someone to talk to. I could share all these things that are locked up inside my head.

If I had a sister.

 

 

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bluesunchasing

Just a guy writing about how depression sucks.

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