Still Cold

I knew there was something about either yesterday (the 26th) or today (the 27th) that was important. I felt like I was forgetting an important date. Looking at my mother’s obituary for probably the 1,000th time, I realized that today would have been her 32nd wedding anniversary with the man formerly known as my stepfather.

I wonder what it would be like if she were still here. I think about that a lot, actually. I wonder what it would be like to still have a relationship with my stepfather, and I probably could if I wanted. I’d just have to pick up the phone, really, but I am not sure I will ever get there.

My real father has cirrhosis of the liver, and the VA also thinks he might have colon cancer. He declined any tests that could actually confirm or deny it. He is accepting his fate, I guess. So now I wonder, will I be watching another parent slowly fade away over a decade? It shouldn’t be about me, but when you are dealing with your parents, it’s hard not to make it that way.

Pretty soon the minimal traffic I get on this blog will trickle into nothing because people will get tired of reading depressing shit every fucking day. Here’s a smiley face for you. 🙂


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Just a guy writing about how depression sucks.

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