Don’t be a parent, OK?

Where to begin?

Stepson has his first official girlfriend now. I hate her. I haven’t even met her yet (the wife has) but I hate her. They’re both 13, and she is a bit more…advanced. You have to be careful when you’re raising a boy, so many opportunities for them to ruin their lives over using their wrong head. This is the kind of girl you ruin your life with, if that makes sense. He just recently got his first smartphone, and with that many restrictions on its use, too.¬† For example, we read his texts every night, no social media, etc. Perhaps some of you might find that a bit draconian, but in this era of heightened sexuality and sexting, we really don’t care if we are being over-protective. We explained the risks, he understands (probably.) She knows that we read his texts, too, but she still can’t stop making these low key sexual remarks to him. Like, not overt enough to get her or him in real trouble, but the intent is there…I’m not a fucking idiot, you know? Fortunately, my step-son at least claims ignorance in responding to these baited texts with the appropriate amount of off-topic emojis. This kid loves the idea of having a girlfriend (his first kiss, too, for fuck’s sake) but he really, like, really loves watching Malcolm in the Middle and playing League of Legends, too. The girl is very dramatic, the type of girl who will threaten suicide if you break up with her, the type of girl that reminds me way too much of my first wife.

Well, there it is, isn’t it? That’s the problem. When you are 13 years old, of course you want to kiss girls (or boys) but your knowledge of other things is very limited. This girl has Emotional Manipulation 101 down pat. I am biting my tongue for the moment; this is one of those things that could crush our relationship with each other if I say the wrong thing. I suppose I should also point out that my wife isn’t a fan of hers, either, and she has met her more than once. I don’t want him to be sad, but every day I secretly hope is the day that she dumps him in search of a 13 year old that knows what his dick is for besides taking a piss.

Please, I beg of you: If you are thinking of having kids, don’t. It’s an emotional hell.

P.S. She wants them to spoon…who the fuck knows what that is at 13? My life is over.

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bluesunchasing

Just a guy writing about how depression sucks.

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