It’s been a challenging 10 days. Between a major colitis flareup as well as a heavy depressive episode, there have been brighter moments in my life. I don’t feel like complaining, because I am aware that millions of other people are suffering through various ailments of their own. I will admit to being tired, physically and emotionally. Sleep isn’t coming easy, and the fatigue seeps through my skin and invades my brain, smashing my neurons to bits. Writing is almost impossible; I can barely read more than a few paragraphs before I want to close my eyes. I know I am painting what appears to be a bleak picture here, but I am aware of a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.
I’m going to try meditation. Enlightenment is not what I seek; I seek only clear-minded thinking. Thoughts are racing constantly, and that adds to the malaise I feel during the day, and I’m sure are the direct cause of my panic attacks. It’s not normal to lie in bed at night and obsess over your death. What’s normal is to roll over and hold your wife (in my case) tighter. I should entertain the thought of taking walks again, it’s just so cold and mucky outside at the moment.
Well, there it is. I apologize for the clunky nature of this update. I have several ideas floating around in my head at the moment; I just need to crack the coconut.
In lighter news, in case you missed the fact that I am a NATIONAL HERO: