It shouldn’t be a shock that the new medication doesn’t seem to be working. The doctor started me on the smallest dosage because that’s what good doctors do. However, I will be paying him a visit today because, after a brief respite, the downward spiral continues. Last night was the worst, culminating in an all night panic attack. Any of you out there who have experienced them know they are no fun at all. I’ve been having mild ones almost every night as of late, but last night I legitimately thought my heart was going to explode, which is, of course, ridiculous. Needless to say, I have an appointment with the doctor today.
Yesterday was a lovely day here, though, and the sun shined bright and warm. The wife and I went out for two separate walks and it felt incredible to feel that fat old sun on my face. I was hoping that it would give me a bit of a recharge, but mental illness is very unpredictable with that; it doesn’t always listen to Mother Nature. I’m not giving up hope, however, that I can become a modern day John Adams with my walks. I don’t think I will ever adopt his love of manure, though; that is a deal breaker for me.
This is one of those boring, mental health posts, and I do apologize. I’m having a rough time of it as of late, and just getting these words out were laborious. Hopefully with the spring will come some relief.
