Dots and dashes with peppermint lashes

I was finally able to convince myself to leave the house today and actually go somewhere to be around people. I don’t normally do this due to my extreme fear of people in general. Of course, my travels took me to the local big box bookstore. After purchasing the requisite coffee, I wandered around the aisles for a good 30 minutes, looking at nothing in particular, before leaving empty-handed because I was unwilling to spend over $10 on books that are upwards of 75 years old. I went in feeling very well; after all, I got myself out of the house, which is a rarity. I left feeling somewhat downtrodden. Being so close to Thanksgiving, they were playing the obligatory Christmas music, and hearing it just sucked all the joy out of me, which I think is the opposite effect of what it is intended to do. It’s like this every year for me. Christmas time rolls around and I become even more of an insufferable oaf than I already am. Logically, I don’t feel I really have a good reason to hate the season; I have a wife who loves me very much, as well as a step-son who I care for very much. Yet, this time of year just leaves me feeling despondent, and very much alone. I will leave it for the psychiatrists out there to analyze.

13 is getting restless. He doesn’t want to date this girl anymore, but he also doesn’t want to deal with the hassle of breaking up with her, going so far as to use us as an excuse to get out of hanging out with her this weekend. Obviously, the end is nigh. He’s interested in at least two other girls, one being his girlfriend’s best friend. I told him if he wants to completely ruin his social life forever, by all means pursue this girl. This shows to his naivete towards dating, that he didn’t understand how doing that could virtually ruin his life for the foreseeable future. He is not quite there yet in terms of emotional maturity, and I am totally fine with that. I am hoping that if and when he (or she) breaks it off, he just goes back to being a kid for awhile. Dating is hard work.

I love the winter as long as I am inside. I can appreciate the cold air as an invigorating tonic, but only in doses of a few minutes. I really sympathize for those of you whom are out there working in this cold every day.

Buying New Soul

So, I’ve met 13’s girlfriend. Twice. As a matter of fact, she is due to come over in under an hour to watch movies and probably make out with him. Funny thing is, I like her. This reversal is mostly due to her straightening up her act; she has dropped all of the drama, and has seriously toned down the raciness of her texts. She’s polite in person, and not embarrassed or awkward when you converse with her. What’s more, she legitimately wants to spend time with my step-son, even going so far as to choose coming over here to hang out with him instead of going to the mall. That one blew my mind, truthfully. Everything seemed to change a few days after their first break-up. Once she realized that he wasn’t going to drop on his knees and beg her to come back, she¬†also went against type; she sought him out, repaired the relationship, and dropped all histrionics (perhaps I could learn a thing or two from her.)

The past two weeks or so have been a bit rough for me. Depression has reared its ugly head once again, and I am doing my best to stave it off. It sucks so much joy out of my life, but observing how happy this kid is right now is definitely helping me battle my blues. The kid is practically walking on air; he loves his school, he just made honor roll, he has lots of friends, and he has a girlfriend. At 13, that’s akin to winning the lottery.

Now, if I could only improve his taste in music…

Saturday Morning Hysterics

Well, 13 is back with the tramp. I guess I should have seen this coming, having been in many dysfunctional relationships myself. If anything, it at least gives me a few more blogs worth of material.

This may or may not be me.
This may or may not be me.

They went out last night on a date, but with a few other people, too. If I can keep it like that until he’s 34, I will have succeeded as a parent. Wish me luck!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

13 and dating; parents around the world have heart attacks

13 is back in the saddle, so to speak. He took exactly one day to grieve the loss of his relationship with that trollop, and he has moved on towards greater things. He is already chatting up another girl, much to the dismay of his ex. I believe that this jerk-off never intended to break up with him; she expected him to be down on his knees, begging her to come back, that he could change, that he would love to go to the mall! Luckily, he did not, mostly due to my radical and frothing-at-the-mouth coaching over the extended weekend. My wife helped a bit, too, of course, if only to prevent me from ripping the phone out of his hands to type a vitriolic manifesto-like response to her juvenile attempts at goading him. The first day back at school she was playing the sympathy card to people; kids were asking him why he broke up with her. She totally twisted it around. Then, in an about-face yesterday she attempted to repair the relationship and rekindle the friendship. 13 agreed, because in his world there is no reason why you can’t be friends with someone again after you’ve dated (poor thing.) That brings us up to last night, when she texted him out of the blue to ask him to “stop telling everyone we made out.” He claims that he didn’t tell anyone, but you know how it was in high school. For each person you tell a secret to, you can count on at least twenty other people finding out. Oh, how I would love to shake this girl about until her senses were rearranged.

I tend to be a sensitive soul. If you are in pain, I feel it with you. I suppose we call that empathy. High school was a grind; I would never want to go back to that again. We forget how hard it was growing up. It’s exhausting! You are constantly learning new things, how to act, your body and mind are constantly changing, etc; it’s a wonder we ever make it to our twenties!

The next time you lose your temper at your teenager for slagging you off, take a step back for a moment and remember how much shit was going on inside your brain at that age. I am not advocating here that we let our kids get away with murder; I am just advocating for more slack on the rope.

Teenage Love

Well…it’s over.

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13 has been dumped because he had the audacity to not want to go to the mall. I wish I were kidding. I will break it down very simply for you, and then you will remember why being 13 sucked. He asked her on Saturday night if she wanted to go to the movies today (Monday.) She said maybe, that she would have to check and get back to him. Sunday afternoon she texted him to let him know that she couldn’t make the 1:30 showing because she was going to be shopping at a mall with her mother. OK, he said, how about 4:30? Suddenly, she realized that she was going to be at the mall all day and if he wanted to see her he would have to come with. Incidentally, this mall is over 90 minutes away and in another state. Um, no. His exact words at this moment, and I also believe were the death knell, was “Shopping is not my forte.” Within 10 minutes of that statement, the relationship was over. According to her, he should have spent his entire day at the mall with her, because you should do things you don’t like in order to spend time with your partner. Now, she’s not entirely wrong here; yes, some times in a relationship you make sacrifices for the other partner in order to spend some time together, but this goes beyond that. You are asking a 13 year-old boy to spend an entire day in a mall with you and your mother while you both go shopping. Are you insane? Don’t answer that.

Everyone knows how I feel about this harlot. I am secretly glad that she broke it off. I am relieved to not have to answer questions like “She’s asking me if I had a boner. What’s that?” I am happy to no longer read texts where she is asking him to take a shower with her (that last text was from Saturday night, and when I read it, my wife had to talk me out of banning him from seeing her again, as well as possibly contacting her parents.) I also think that, deep down, 13 is a bit relieved to be free of the shackles of having a girlfriend. The dude just wants to play League of Legends and watch Netflix. In fact, he is going to make that a requirement for the next girl that wants to date him. If you want to play video games, watch movies, and eat junk food, I am your man. We can kiss if you want to, I guess.

Birds and the bees

The kid is going over to a friends house today after school, where they’ll both be joined by their respective partners. This leaves me with some trepidation because there has been some talk of playing “7 Minutes in Heaven.” So, naturally, we had to have the talk with him last night. Wow, that was really not awesome at all. We met some friends for drinks afterwards and drowned our anxieties with pints of Yards Pynk, which if you haven’t tried, I highly recommend. It’s a bit tart, so it’s not for everyone; it goes down so smooth that you almost forget how much it sucks to be a parent sometimes. I know how I was at 13, and my wife knows how she was at 13, so you can imagine how terrified I am at this very moment. When I was his age, I wanted to be picked up on the road by an older woman and seduced.

250px-Miss_Watson

That’s no joke, either. I literally wanted to be sexually molested by a lonely housewife. I am sure I wasn’t the only one, either. I discovered the pleasure of the orgasm in 5th grade by accident, so I was pretty determined to find someone to practice on. By accident, I mean that I just decided that I was going to keep going to see if anything happened. It did. It was awesome.

I don’t really think much of anything is going to happen at the gathering tonight. We made sure there was going to be adult supervision; my wife talked to the friend’s father last night. It’s just frightening because, we were 13 once, too, you know? God help us. I was all about tits and ass at his age; I had already had my dick handled by hands other than my own. It was awesome. Is it any wonder I am so unnerved?